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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Nation Will Always Have Fond, Vague Recollection Of Landon Donovan

WASHINGTON—Expressing profound disappointment upon learning the soccer star had been left off the U.S. World Cup roster by manager Jurgen Klinsmann, Americans across the country confirmed Thursday they will always have a fond, somewhat vague recollection of former captain Landon Donovan. “It’s really sad that he won’t be playing in Brazil, but I’ll never forget how excited I was during the last World Cup when he scored that last-second goal to win the match—wait, that was him, right?” said 28-year-old Jared Molloy of Tampa Bay, FL, who like millions of Americans spent this week nostalgically reflecting on Donovan's long career playing for the national team at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa and wherever the one before that was. “Looking back, it’s hard to imagine the U.S. team achieving much success without him out there, you know, doing all that stuff he did. He’s definitely the greatest American player of all time.” Molloy went on to say that without Donovan, the fate of the 2014 team will likely rest on the shoulders of that other guy who plays goalie.

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