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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Nation Wondering What Telegenic, Eloquent Grant Hill Will Do For Money After Retirement

LOS ANGELES—In response to small forward Grant Hill retiring after 19 seasons in the NBA, Americans across the country this week reportedly pondered how the telegenic, eloquent, and tremendously likeable Duke graduate will earn money now that his basketball career has concluded. “Hopefully, there’s some kind of opportunity out there for an insightful, highly regarded former professional basketball player who is good in front of the camera,” said Detroit resident Trevor Bowman, expressing concerns that the charismatic NBA expert may not find an outlet for his talents. “It would be perfect if he could get paid to talk about the NBA. I’d definitely be interested in that. Maybe he should do a podcast or something. It sucks because an attractive, personable seven-time NBA All Star with a huge fanbase probably doesn’t have a lot of options.” At press time, executives at ESPN and TNT were reportedly worried about how a soft-spoken, rational-minded former basketball player would be able to find work.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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