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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Nation Wondering What Telegenic, Eloquent Grant Hill Will Do For Money After Retirement

LOS ANGELES—In response to small forward Grant Hill retiring after 19 seasons in the NBA, Americans across the country this week reportedly pondered how the telegenic, eloquent, and tremendously likeable Duke graduate will earn money now that his basketball career has concluded. “Hopefully, there’s some kind of opportunity out there for an insightful, highly regarded former professional basketball player who is good in front of the camera,” said Detroit resident Trevor Bowman, expressing concerns that the charismatic NBA expert may not find an outlet for his talents. “It would be perfect if he could get paid to talk about the NBA. I’d definitely be interested in that. Maybe he should do a podcast or something. It sucks because an attractive, personable seven-time NBA All Star with a huge fanbase probably doesn’t have a lot of options.” At press time, executives at ESPN and TNT were reportedly worried about how a soft-spoken, rational-minded former basketball player would be able to find work.

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