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National Dialogue Dusted Off

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Race

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Fraternity Members To Undergo Racial Sensitivity Hazing

EVANSTON, IL—In the wake of a controversial video depicting two individuals in the fraternity’s University of Oklahoma chapter leading a racist chant, Sigma Alpha Epsilon officials instituted a new national policy Wednesday requiring all membe...

Media Stumped On How To Handle Missing Mixed-Race Woman

WASHINGTON—Struggling to find an appropriate response to a delicate situation, members of the American news media admitted Tuesday that they remained stumped on how exactly to handle the case of missing mixed-race woman Alison Johnston.

Tips For Being An Unarmed Black Teen

With riots raging in Ferguson, MO following the shooting death by police of an unarmed African-American youth, the nation has turned its eyes toward social injustice and the continuing crisis of race relations.

White Male Privilege Squandered On Job At Best Buy

HAMILTON, OH—Despite being the beneficiary of numerous societal advantages and having faced little to no major adversity throughout his life, local man Travis Benton has spent the last four years squandering his white male privilege on a sales floor...
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National Dialogue Dusted Off

WASHINGTON—Following news of a racially motivated shooting massacre in South Carolina that left nine churchgoers dead Wednesday night, the country figured it was once again time to dust off the national dialogue, sources confirmed. “After yesterday’s tragic shooting in Charleston, we felt it was probably time to pull this old thing off the shelf, blow away some of the dust that’s collected on it, and crack it open,” said Mark Fulton, 43, of Reading, PA, referring to the decades-old discourse regarding the kind of free, safe, and respectful society that we as Americans want to live in, which the nation pulls out a dozen or so times a year in the immediate aftermath of unconscionable violence. “Obviously, we won’t be focusing on the parts about police brutality that we’ve used the last few times, but the other sections about racial tolerance, mental health, and gun control are pretty much good to go. It’s definitely a little worn-out from all the use, but we’ll be careful to return the conversation to storage for safekeeping once we’re done with it in about a week or so.” Sources nationwide added that meaningful change would stay untouched on the shelf and would likely remain there unopened indefinitely.

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