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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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National Sex-Boat Industry Facing Financial Trouble

ST. PAUL, MN—Spokespeople for the waterborne-luxury-adult-tourism organization American Sex-Boat Owners Group said Wednesday that unknown factors have caused a sudden and perhaps catastrophic decline in sex-boat business. "We're not sure exactly what happened, as the late summer and early fall are usually our top earning seasons, especially in cities such as Oakland, Minneapolis, Dallas, and Atlanta," said ASOG board president Candace Greiling, whose 80-foot sex-yacht, the S.S. Ronald Mexico, was put into off-season dry-dock after several regular customers canceled cruises with almost no warning. "Captains and cruise directors alike are wondering if they'll have gainful, sexual, nautical employment next summer." The ASOG did not give reasons for the falloff in business, but some speculate that a sudden inexplicable increase in moral behavior among young millionaires with ample free time may be to blame.
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