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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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National Trust For Historic Preservation Raises Millions To Demolish Trump’s Boyhood Home

WASHINGTON—Overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from the public, the National Trust for Historic Preservation reported Wednesday that it had raised more than $8 million in just three days to demolish President Trump’s boyhood home in Queens, NY. “Thanks to the generosity of the American people, we are well on our way to bulldozing the president’s first home as part of our mission to uphold America’s cultural heritage and values,” said NTHP president Stephanie K. Meeks, adding that not only had dozens of companies come forward to match their employees’ donations but that dozens of children had made much smaller contributions to the cause by sharing their allowance money. “Still, we never imagined that razing the site where the 45th president spent his early years would be greeted so enthusiastically. Big donors, small donors—it seems that Americans from all walks of life want to chip in to make sure that no trace of this structure exists for future generations.” Meeks went on to say that the ground upon which the historic childhood home once stood would be immediately available for new development.

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