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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Nationals Not Sure How They Got Run

WASHINGTON—During a postgame press conference Saturday in which he registered disappointment at being shut out for the 22nd time this season, Nationals manager Manny Acta became visibly confused after being told by reporters that his team had actually scored a run during its 6-1 loss to the San Diego Padres. "If we scored like you say we did, there's no way we got it by hitting the baseball and advancing the runners, because I would have remembered something like that," a skeptical Acta said. "What I do recall is a lot of weak ground balls back to the pitcher, botched sacrifice bunts, and double plays to end innings. Maybe we walked or people got hit by pitches four consecutive times?" When informed that first baseman Aaron Boone hit a two-out RBI in the 8th inning to score Emilio Bonifacio, Acta responded, "Yeah, right."

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