Nation's Attractive People Demand We Send Them All $200 Checks

Top Headlines

Recent News

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Healthy Eating

Nation's Attractive People Demand We Send Them All $200 Checks

MIAMI—During a televised press conference held Friday afternoon at their chic beachside headquarters, the nation's attractive people demanded that we each immediately mail them a personal check for $200. "Just make it out to 'cash,'" said their physically flawless spokesperson Juliana Marie St. Onge, occasionally glancing up from texting and flashing an alluring smile as she addressed the country. "Aw, don't ask what the money's for, that's no fun. Besides, you know you're just going to send it anyway." Initial reports indicate that most citizens have already mailed their checks, with some including an additional $50 to $1,000 in an effort to make a good impression.

Next Story