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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Nation's Boyfriends Dreading 'Free Event In The Park' Season

NISKAYUNA, NY—With summer officially beginning this week, the nation's boyfriends groaned Thursday in anticipation of yet another "Free Event in the Park" season. "Kelly already wants us to go see some Brazilian horn player and these people who use puppets to make fun of politicians. I'm sure they're fine, but we just got AC this summer," said Jason Evans, a boyfriend. "Plus, we go out all the time." A spokesperson for the nation's girlfriends countered that it would be a shame not to take advantage of the tons of cool-sounding cost-free events, which include a craft fair, an outdoor screening of The Wizard Of Oz, and the appearance of a modestly successful mid-90s alternative band at the Tulip Festival.

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