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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Nation's Couples Descend On Nation's Rotating Restaurants

INDIANAPOLIS—Looking to experience the kind of timeless, romantic atmosphere that only a ring-shaped, 50-foot-tall, motorized eatery can provide, millions of lovers flocked to the nation's roughly two dozen revolving restaurants this Valentine's Day. The couples—whose deep love for each other could only be expressed by consuming an overpriced meal near a large window while traveling almost imperceptibly around a fixed circular path—packed panoramic restaurants from New York to Seattle. "The wife and I saw the whole town," said Howard Watts, who visited the Eagle's Nest restaurant in Indianapolis with his spouse, Sheila. "The Motor Speedway, the interstate. Everything. Making one full rotation every 47 minutes reminded us why we fell in love." According to analysts, the nation's singles were still happy to spend the holiday microwaving things that can be eaten over the sink.

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