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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Nation's Cowboys Fans Deeply Nostalgic Following Michael Irvin's Latest Drug-Related Arrest

PLANO, TX—Cowboys football fans nationwide experienced deep feelings of nostalgia for the franchise's glory days when former Dallas receiver Michael Irvin, for years an offensive standout even on one of the NFL's most talented and felony-prone teams, was once again involved in illegal drug-related activities. Irvin, who led all players in combined receptions, touchdowns, receiving yards, and arrests for cocaine possession in the '90s, was charged with misdemeanor paraphernalia possession when officers found a crack pipe in his car during a routine traffic stop. "I know it's not the same as 1996—that was the year Michael was absolutely in the zone, and also circumstantially in that hotel room with a suitcase full of cocaine and some hookers, and went on to get 1,200 yards and 800 hours of community service," said Dallas resident and lifelong Cowboys fan Elizabeth McGlynn. "But it's good to know that he's still got something left in the old tank. I bet he could really teach these rookies today a few tricks." Dallas has not had a starter go to both the Pro Bowl and narcotics court in the same year since Irvin retired in 2000 to become one of ESPN's less-controversial on-air personalities.
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