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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Nation's Creepy Middle School Gym Teachers Also Come Out In Favor Of Circumcision

WASHINGTON—Following a recent statement from the American Academy of Pediatrics touting the benefits of circumcision, the nation’s creepy middle school gym teachers have also announced their support for the procedure, declaring it the more hygienic and aesthetically preferable alternative. “We just want to see healthy, happy boys out there, unencumbered by unsightly folds of loose foreskin,” creepy middle school gym teacher spokesman Mr. Griffon said at a press conference Wednesday, stressing that his group did not dislike uncircumcised penises per se, but simply found them less than ideal. “No boy should have to go through life with a disease-ridden flap of skin obscuring the elegant curve of his glans.” The group also decried the growing childhood obesity epidemic, due to its reported deleterious effects on student health and the firmness of pubescent breasts.

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