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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Nation's Dads Find That Frank Caliendo Guy Pretty Funny

SHELTON, CT—According to those sitting in the same room as their fathers during MLB postseason games on TBS, the nation's dads have been both impressed and amused by Frank TV promos in which comedian Frank Caliendo performs impersonations of politicians and celebrities. "Let me tell you, he's got George W. Bush down pretty good," said local dad Gerry DiCenzo, 54, who smiled throughout a 30-second spot in which Caliendo sang "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" as Bush, Robert DeNiro, Dr. Phil, and John Madden. DiCenzo emitted a contented chuckle upon the ad's conclusion. "I like it when he does Seinfeld, and then he walks onto the same screen and does George at the same time. It's pretty clever." Despite enjoying the commercials, the nation's dads said they have no plans to actually watch the full show once it begins airing on Oct. 21.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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