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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Nation's Economic Recovery Hinging On Success Of Diet Vanilla Coke

WASHINGTON, DC—As the nation struggles through a recession, economy watchers are pinning their hopes for recovery on the soon-to-be-launched Diet Vanilla Coke. "Diet Vanilla Coke, to be introduced this fall, is our last, best chance at turning this thing around," Fed chief Alan Greenspan said. "We had hoped that Pepsi Blue or Dr. Pepper Red Fusion would stem the tide, but consumers have not responded in sufficient numbers." If Diet Vanilla Coke fails to jumpstart the economy, experts say the U.S. is doomed.

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