adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
End Of Section
  • More News

Nation's Grandfathers To Receive Annual Shipment Of $2 Bills From U.S. Treasury

WASHINGTON—During a press conference Monday, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson unveiled this year's shipment of brand-new $2 bills, all of which will be sent directly from the U.S. Mint to the nation's grandfathers by month's end. "I'm willing to speculate that most of you have never seen one of these before," a grinning Paulson told reporters Monday, while gesturing to a sheet of 500 $2 bills, assuring those present that grandfathers everywhere will soon have the perfect gift for their grandchildren's birthdays, good report cards, or just for when they come over to visit. "You can spend them on Lemonheads or anything you want." Throughout the presentation, reporters politely feigned excitement, and afterward they impressed the secretary by accurately guessing whose face was on the $2 bill without having to look at the name printed below it.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close