Nation’s Least-Appealing Puppies To Face Off In Puppy Bowl

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Vol 48 Issue 05

Meet The Press

NBC 10 a.m. EST/9 a.m. CST David Gregory finally remembers to bring in a framed photograph of his wife and kids to put on the table.

Congressman Hurt To Discover Lobbyist Not Really His Friend

WASHINGTON—According to Capitol Hill sources, Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL) came to the painful realization this week that agribusiness lobbyist Stephen Fischer, who had been kind and generous toward him for months and had often met up with him for dr...

Downton Abbey

PBS 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST The hit British show has to do damage control after last week's episode, in which all the characters referred to the fighting in France as "World War I."

Should Sugar Be Regulated?

In a recent editorial in the journal Nature, researchers from the University of California–San Francisco suggested that as a toxic substance, sugar should be taxed and regulated like alcohol or tobacco.
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Small Business

Nation’s Least-Appealing Puppies To Face Off In Puppy Bowl

SILVER SPRING, MD—Calling the collection of puppies assembled for Puppy Bowl VIII a tired rehashing of the same old Jack Russells, pit mixes, collies, and labs, fans around the nations agreed this week that the 2012 contest would be one of the most boring ever. "It was a pretty exciting fall as far as cute little puppies go, but this is it?" said Sylvia Shawlbuck, a longtime fan of baby animals who has never missed a Puppy Bowl. "Abilene, the Australian shepherd mix who dawdled and misfired all season until she lucked out in the Puppy Playoffs? Joni, the rat terrier who plays in an awful puppy division where she's almost guaranteed a shot at the postseason? Boring." However, die-hard Puppy Bowl fans reacted positively to the news that the Kitty Halftime Show would be de-emphasized this year, saying they had always found the kitten performers to be "whorish and slutty."

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