adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Nation’s Least-Appealing Puppies To Face Off In Puppy Bowl

SILVER SPRING, MD—Calling the collection of puppies assembled for Puppy Bowl VIII a tired rehashing of the same old Jack Russells, pit mixes, collies, and labs, fans around the nations agreed this week that the 2012 contest would be one of the most boring ever. "It was a pretty exciting fall as far as cute little puppies go, but this is it?" said Sylvia Shawlbuck, a longtime fan of baby animals who has never missed a Puppy Bowl. "Abilene, the Australian shepherd mix who dawdled and misfired all season until she lucked out in the Puppy Playoffs? Joni, the rat terrier who plays in an awful puppy division where she's almost guaranteed a shot at the postseason? Boring." However, die-hard Puppy Bowl fans reacted positively to the news that the Kitty Halftime Show would be de-emphasized this year, saying they had always found the kitten performers to be "whorish and slutty."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close