Nation's Moms Demand Christmas List

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Vol 47 Issue 49

Coach Secretly Turned On By Illegal Formation

TAMPA BAY, FL—Buccaneers quarterbacks coach Alex Van Pelt admitted to reporters Saturday that even though he knows it's wrong and "very, very naughty," he secretly gets aroused when he sees a team line up in an illegal formation.

Who Is Romney Today?

Critics have long complained that instead of sticking to strong positions on issues such as immigration, federal spending, and health care reform, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has routinely changed his stance to appeal to voters. Here...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Nation's Moms Demand Christmas List

ATLANTA—Saying the holidays are right around the corner and they want to make sure they get you something you'll really like this year, the nation's moms demanded a Christmas list Monday. "Five or so items would be more than enough, with at least one idea for a big present," said 53-year-old Maureen Marshall, one of several million mothers who explained they really don't want to get you something impersonal like a gift card. "Be sure to get it to us by Friday, because there are some big sales coming up and that's when we take your grandmother shopping. If we're not there to tell her what you want, who knows what you'll end up with?" The mothers went on to say that they themselves don't want anything special and that just getting to see you for the holidays is all the present they need.

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