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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Nation's Ninetysomethings Gear Up For Last Year Of Their Lives

BOCA RATON, FL—Excited ninetysomethings across the country announced Wednesday they were gearing up to take full advantage of what promises to be the final year of their lives. "I feel totally reinvigorated—this year I'm grabbing the bull by the horns and getting ready to die, first by canceling all my magazine subscriptions," said 92-year-old Hollis Ryzek, adding that his new carpe diem attitude stems from his desire to tell his grandchildren he loves them one final time. "I'm looking forward to planning my last words, getting my living will in order in case they have to pull the plug on me, and then it's off to sit alone in my room at the assisted living facility and think about how all my friends are dead. This is going to be the best last year ever!" Ryzek said he jumped feetfirst into his dynamic new routine, spending New Year's Day calling all his relatives to make sure they knew he wanted to be cremated.

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