Nation's Porn Stars Demand To Be Fucked Harder

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...

Half Of Hollywood Test Group Screened Placebo Film

LOS ANGELES—Saying the methodology helps them ensure unbiased results in their marketing research, studio executives at Paramount Pictures confirmed that during a Hollywood test screening this week they showed half of all theatergoers a placebo film...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 6, 2015

ARIES: One of the worst moments of a person's life is when they finally realize that they're mortal and are going to die, especially when it's a person like you who only sees the cement truck at the last second.

A Timeline Of Upcoming Superhero Movies

Following the massive successes of the Spider-Man, Batman, Avengers, and X-Men franchises, studios Marvel and DC Entertainment have announced as many as 40 upcoming superhero movies to be released over the next six years ...

Sesame Street’s 45th Anniversary: A Look Back

Sesame Street, the long-running PBS children’s television show starring a cast of Jim Henson muppets who teach children basic learning concepts and introduce them to difficult issues, turns 45 this week.

TV Show Under Fire For Depicting Murder

LOS ANGELES—In what is being described as perhaps the most shocking and distasteful moment in broadcast history, the popular primetime television show Criminal Minds is facing heavy criticism today for airing an episode that depicted the act ...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Sleep

Good Times

Nation's Porn Stars Demand To Be Fucked Harder

WASHINGTON, DC–Seeking to reverse a "decades-long trend toward shamefully inadequate underfucking in our nation's adult-entertainment industry," a coalition of U.S. porn stars gathered in the nation's capital Monday to voice their demand to be fucked harder.

Jenna Jameson, co-chair of Porn Stars For Being Fucked Harder.

"Uggh! Come on, give me that cock, jungle stud. Fuck me! Fuck me harder!" said Jenna Jameson, co-chair of Porn Stars For Being Fucked Harder and star of Wicked Pictures' Up And Cummers #10, #11, and #17. "Deeper! Deeper! Oh, fuck."

The D.C. summit arrives on the heels of years of complaints from disgruntled female sex-industry workers, many of whom had repeatedly argued that, as cock-crazed nymphomaniacs who can never get enough, they weren't receiving the deep-dicking they needed.

"Give it to me! Oh, God, give it to me harder," said PSFBFH spokeswoman Christy Canyon, bent over the press-conference podium. "I fucking need it so bad."

Canyon's sentiments echoed those of many PSFBFH members, who are such nasty sluts that moderately hard fucking is not enough to satisfy their constant craving for hot fuck action.

As living embodiments of unrealistic male fantasies, porn stars, experts say, possess extraordinarily high libidos that cannot be satisfied by anything less than full-throttle, no-holes-barred banging. For these women, being such fantasy objects comes at a price: the near-impossibility of attaining the level of full-on pussy pounding they desire, even when lustily worked over by one or more trained professionals.

"The sexual frustration of many porn stars," said noted porn expert Bob Guccione Sr., "is further complicated by the fact that their desires often go beyond traditional vaginally penetrative sex to include a heartfelt need to be repeatedly pounded in the ass, as well."

Tiffany Mynx, PSFBFH co-chair and America's Anal Princess, agreed. "Oooh, baby," read Mynx's testimony before Congress during recent hearings on substandard fucking within the U.S. porn industry. "I want you to slide that big, hungry dick of yours all the way up my tight asshole right now."

According to congressional sources, meeting the porn stars' demands will not be easy.

"Quite simply, no man alive could give it to these wet, horny bitches in the manner they require," said Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott (R-MS). "They represent a fictional, media-created standard of sexual appetite that nobody, male or female, can possibly satiate."

Despite such skepticism on Capitol Hill, the porn stars remain fully committed to their cause.

"Fuck me!" said porn star Asia Carrera during a recent demonstration in downtown Washington. "Goddamn it, I said fuck me harder!"

Next Story