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Nation’s Prospective College Applicants Go Straight To Princeton Review’s ‘Best College Radio Station’ Rankings

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Nation’s Prospective College Applicants Go Straight To Princeton Review’s ‘Best College Radio Station’ Rankings

NATICK, MA—Saying that the ratings were influential in helping them make decisions about where to pursue higher education, prospective college applicants across the country reportedly rushed online this week to consult The Princeton Review’s 2015 “Best College Radio Station” rankings. “This list is a pretty big factor in determining where I want to go—there’s no way I’m sending an application to a school that isn’t in the top 10 campus stations,” said high school senior Kyle Hofstadter, adding that seeing St. Bonaventure University’s 88.3 “The Buzz” jump to number three this year had considerably influenced his decision to apply early. “I’m going to do some research on my own about things like how soon they let you become a DJ and what their indie-to-hip-hop ratio is like, just to make sure I’m not putting too much stock in the rankings. But after reading this, I’m pretty sure I know the schools that are right for me.” Many applicants added that they also intended to consider a safety school such as Denison University, whose 91.1 WDUB “The Doobie” was ranked an unimpressive 17th on the list.

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