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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Nation's Sane People To Nation's Insane People: 'Please Stop Shooting Us'

WASHINGTON—In the aftermath of Sunday’s deadly shooting in which a white supremacist allegedly shot and killed six congregants at a Sikh temple in Wisconsin, the nation’s psychologically sound populace issued a statement begging its insane counterparts to please, please stop shooting so many Americans. “Today we come together with a single voice, hoping to reach you with one very simple message: For the love of God, please stop firing your guns at us,” a statement from the sane read in part. “We don’t care if you’re a 22-year-old male with a history of psychological illness, a severely unhinged graduate student who fell through the cracks of our mental health care system, or an embittered middle-aged man convinced that religious minorities are threatening the fabric of America. All we ask is that you cease charging into rooms full of innocent people and raining down bullets on everyone in sight.” After making their urgent plea, the American people reportedly began stocking up on guns in the hopes of preventing future shootings from taking place.

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