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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Nation’s Sisters Issue Annual Report On Dealing With Dad

WASHINGTON—Citing an extensive body of research conducted over recent holiday get-togethers and weekly phone conversations, the nation’s sisters on Wednesday issued their yearly report outlining the various strategies for best dealing with Dad. “Based on our findings, there are a variety of effective ways to handle Dad depending on the situation, such as whether it’s a whole family outing or if you’re talking to him one-on-one,” read the 85-page document in part, which covered how to deal with Dad on long car rides, when he’s had a couple drinks, when he has a political ax to grind, and when he’s in “one of his moods.” “Regardless of whether you choose to change the subject, lay out your point of view in terms he would understand, or silently wait and let him just get it all out, the evidence overwhelmingly points to the fact that 99 percent of the time it’s nothing personal; that’s just how he acts.” The study concluded that in the majority of cases, it’s helpful to remind yourself that he is who he is, he’s too old to change, and he really does love you.

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