Nation's Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday's Thanksgiving Debates

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Vol 48 Issue 47

Just A Gray TV Screen

Just A Gray TV Screen (PBS) 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST The highly anticipated American debut adapted from the British hit Just A Grey Telly Screen.

Cash Cab

Discovery 5 p.m. EST/4 p.m. CST A passenger in a deepening state of anaphylactic shock is unable to answer the three trivia questions posed to him and is consequently kicked out of the taxi eight blocks shy of Beth Israel’s emergency room.

Not A Shithole

It’s not a shithole. Sure, it could use some work, the plumbing’s not great, and there might be a foundation issue, but come on, a shithole? Why does everyone keep saying that?
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Nation's Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday's Thanksgiving Debates

WASHINGTON—Sequestered in their homes today to review talking points on a range of topics from gay marriage to Gaza to the wisdom of purchasing a hybrid car, the nation’s uncles have reportedly entered their final stages of preparation for Thursday’s highly anticipated sit-down Thanksgiving dinner debates. “Now, now—now Bob—Bob!—you can’t just go saying… Hold on—you can’t just go saying that without considering the consequences,” said the loudmouth contrarians, talking into their mirrors as they vigorously rehearsed various interruptions and smug denunciations on subjects such as political bias in the media and whether or not underage nephews should be allowed to have a few sips of wine on a holiday. “If you thought about—thank you, Mary, it was delicious—if you thought about the consequences for one second, you’d realize how completely wrong that plan is. That’s exactly what these congressmen think, and that’s why we’re headed off a fiscal cliff. You see?” Sources confirmed the nation’s uncles are drafting their closing remarks around the theme of how the crust on the pumpkin pie could be “a little flakier.”

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