CLEVELAND—Calling it a complete and utter failure not worthy of Major League Baseball, sources at Progressive Field confirmed Monday that the stadium’s pathetic home run animation doesn’t even show a baseball screaming as it leaves Earth and flies into outer space.
NEW YORK—Weeks after their 2008 swimsuit issue hit newsstands, Sports Illustrated continues to be deluged with mail from appreciative women across America thanking the magazine for once again helping them choose attractive, functional beachwear. "It's never too early in the spring to get your wardrobe ready for summer!" Cleveland, OH housewife Erica Robbins, 46, wrote in a letter the magazine received Monday. "I've already made an appointment with a local artist to airbrush a dramatically high-cut crimson 'tankini' on my naked body the first day the thermometer goes over 75!" Although the special issue is extremely popular with women, Sports Illustrated's annual swimwear shopping guide continues to elicit thousands of subscription cancellation demands every year from the magazine's overwhelmingly male readership.