Nationwide Headband Trend Traced Back To Area Sophomore

In This Section

Vol 41 Issue 10

Mysterious Defibrillator Saves Accident Victim, Disappears

SAN ANTONIO, TX—An unidentified defibrillator saved the life of heart-attack victim Clifford Moore, 67, and vanished without a trace, sources at Goode Company Barbecue reported Monday. "I was headed back for more condiments when I felt a terrible pain in my chest and collapsed," Moore said. "I think I must have passed out, but I remember feeling paddles on my chest and a sudden jolt. I wish that defibrillator would have stuck around... I would've liked to have thanked it." The only trace the phantom defibrillator left behind was a tiny, silver-adhesive-backed conductive pad found below an outdoor bench.

Script Could Use Another Pass, Mom Says

ANSLEY, NE—Persistence Of Vision, a screenplay by aspiring screenwriter James Grunau, "isn't quite ready to shop yet," Grunau's 57-year-old mother Doris told her son over breakfast Monday. "I know you worked really hard, Jimmy, but I think this could use another good punch-up," Grunau said of the 115-page draft. "I just don't think anyone will relate to Donna, and the second act feels flat. You need to raise the emotional stakes." Ms. Grunau then offered her son some butterscotch pudding.

Bar Bet Becomes Increasingly Complex

DETROIT, MI—Onlookers at Schutt's Tavern report that a bet between two customers grew to almost unworkable complexity Monday. "Okay, let's get clear on this," said bartender Tim Alighire, officiating the wager. "If Sin City doesn't suck, Roger has to join Gary's pool team instead of Keith's, but only if Gary gets Troy to join too, in which case Gary has to pay Roger's dues and Roger has to chip in for half of Troy's dues? And Troy... no, Gary gets to decide if the movie is good?" Watching his two customers shake hands, Alighire said he wished that hockey season hadn't been canceled.

The Edge Still Introducing Self As Such

MALIBU, CA—U2 guitarist The Edge, born David Evans, introduces himself by his stage name, sources reported Monday. "He showed up at parent-teacher conferences, extended his hand, and said, 'Hi, I'm Sian's father The Edge,'" said Dory Beckman, a second-grade teacher at Malibu Heights Elementary. "I didn't quite understand, so he said, 'U2's The Edge.' Well, I guess with all the records he's sold, he's entitled to call himself whatever he wants." Employees at Gladstone's 4 Fish restaurant said Evans placed "The Edge" on their waiting list when he took his family out for fried scallops last week.

'Me Decade' Celebrates 35th Year

NEW YORK—The "Me Decade," a period beginning in 1970 and marked by self-awareness and self-fulfillment, celebrated its 35th year Monday. "With careerism, materialism, and general self-involvement as popular as they were was decades ago, the Me Decade may well go on for another 35 years," said historian and Columbia University professor Dr. Vera Conklin. "It's been the longest-running decade in American history, beating the selfless 'Greatest Generation' of the '40s by a good 15 years. Selfishness, it seems, is here to stay." Author Tom Wolfe, who coined the term in his essay "The Me Decade And The Third Great Awakening," was unavailable for comment, as he is working on his memoirs.

New Stop-Smoking Aids

Over-the-counter stop-smoking aids like Nicorette gum and Nicotrol patches are more popular than ever. What are some of the newest prodcuts on the market?

Study: Reality TV, Reality Unfair To Blacks

WASHINGTON, DC—According to a study released Monday by the Center for Media and Social Research, the reality-TV genre is unfairly biased against black people. The study revealed that reality is unfair to blacks, as well.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Late Night

Nationwide Headband Trend Traced Back To Area Sophomore

PIERRE, SD—As cotton athletic headbands, the season's hot fashion accessory, continue to appear on trendsetters' foreheads across the nation, the originator of the fad has finally been located: Pierre West High School sophomore Melody Peterson.

Peterson, who made the fashion statement later copied by stars like Russell Crowe (right).

"Yeah, I started doing that headband thing, like, six months ago," the 16-year-old Peterson told reporters Monday. "Of course, all the other girls in my school were wearing them right after I did, and then everyone in South Dakota started doing it. Pretty soon, I was seeing headbands on TV and stuff."

Before the headband trend was traced to Peterson, little was known about this B-average student who enjoys cheerleading, Beyoncé, and talking on her cell phone with friends. Since it was revealed that she inadvertently started the international headband trend, however, Peterson has been barraged with interview requests.

"It all started when I was at this boring sporting-goods store with my brother and I saw these totally butt-ugly headbands," Peterson said. "I thought it might be fun to pull off wearing something dorky like that, so I bought one. When I got home and tried it on, I was like, 'I actually look pretty good in this.'"

Peterson said she was not surprised by her sudden fame.

"Everyone in this stupid town always copies what I do because they don't have any originality," Peterson said. "This is the first time one of my ideas traveled outside my school, though. When I saw the same headbands I was wearing at Old Navy, I was like, 'Yuh, get a clue.' Just because I start doing something doesn't mean everyone else has to."

Added Peterson: "Check out this scarf. Isn't it hot?"

Everyone from South Beach club denizens to stars like Ashton Kutcher, Lindsay Lohan, and Gwen Stefani has been wearing headbands this season. However, photos on Peterson's best friend's personal home page prove that Peterson was the first one to wear them.

"I didn't even think that much about it when I took those pictures of Melody last September," said Ashley Gamble, of gambleyourheart.com. "Mel's always wearing these great outfits, then complaining about how everyone else is just a clone. Now that Teen People ran that story about headbands, she's really going to have something to bitch about."

Gamble said she started wearing headbands about a month ago. She stressed that it wasn't because it was the hot new thing, but because she thought the accessory was "cute."

"It's kinda an unspoken rule that you're not supposed to copy your friend's look," said Gamble, who was wearing a pink-and-white Von Dutch headband. "But check out how sexy I look in this one. When I saw it, I just had to have it. I knew it would look hot with my black tank top."

Athletic-gear manufacturers like Nike and Puma have reported skyrocketing sales of the two-toned cotton headbands that Peterson paired with non-sporting outfits. Even high-end fashion designers have begun to steal Peterson's idea.

"Melody had a great idea," Juicy Couture designer Gela Nash-Taylor said. "Headbands are definitely going to be prominent in this year's fall lines. I know that Michael Kors is experimenting with fleece headbands, and all I can say about Marc Jacobs' headband line is, 'Wow!'"

Peterson said some of the people across the country who are copying her style are unable to pull it off.

"Everyone in the world has to imitate every single little thing I do, whether it's keeping boxes of cereal in my locker or wearing flip-flops in winter," Peterson said. "Like, some people look good in a headband, but most don't. Brad Pitt looks yummy with one, but Hilary Duff? Please. You have to have an attitude to pull it off. Which, uh, she does not."

Continued Peterson: "Someone sent me a picture of [Vice President] Dick Cheney wearing a headband like mine, and it made me want to puke. Newsflash to government guys: If you work in an office, don't try to be cool."

According to Peterson, the most upsetting thing about being ripped off on a national scale is that "the whole thing is so over."

"I haven't worn one of those headbands in five months," Peterson said. "It was something that was cool for, like, a week, because I was the only one doing it."

"Hey, look at this—it's my dad's old bowling bag," Peterson added. "Isn't it hot? Not. But still, it might be kinda cute, in a retarded way. I think I might start carrying my gym clothes in it."

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More