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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Naturist Retreat Ends In Boner

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—After more than three days of hiking, canoeing and other outdoor activities, a naturist/nudist outing concluded yesterday with a large boner. "By the time the retreat had ended, there were lots of tired people, worn out from a long weekend of fun but strenuous activity," said Dale Pursner, tour leader for the Southern Exposure Naturist Getaways outing. "There also were a lot of stiffies."

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