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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.
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NBA All-Star Skills Competition To Include Mock Press Conference

HOUSTON—Commissioner David Stern announced Monday that, in addition to the Foot Locker three-point shootout and Sprite slam-dunk contest, Saturday's NBA All-Star Skills Competition will include an Ogilvy Public Relations mock press conference event. "Creating a good public image is one of the most underrated and under-utilized skills in the sport today," Stern said after introducing the first NBA skills competition in which a player is not expected to make a point. "After the four other contests, the players will shower up and head to the podium, where they will be judged on style, content, answer efficiency, humor, behavior of their children, and number of clichés they can muster in a five-minute time frame. This is a prime opportunity for our league to showcase the very best players in the post-game." While there is no clear-cut favorite heading into the event, a source close to the NBA's judging panel suggested that the player with the most buttons on his suit jacket will have an excellent chance of winning.

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