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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NBA Analysts: If Playoffs Started Today, They Would Be Over By A Decent Time

NEW YORK—Basketball analysts nationwide are generally in agreement that, if the pro-basketball playoffs were to start at this time, they would actually be over by a reasonable date for once instead of dragging on through the middle of the summer. "The numbers we're looking at support the idea that just beginning the quarterfinals in early March would have us going about the rest of our lives by mid-May, instead of having to pretend that we're still riveted by the Spurs' consistent winning and the Knicks' reliable losing at that time," said Kenny Smith of TNT's Inside The NBA. "I mean, I love basketball, but really, by the time it's nice outside, the last thing I want to do is hang around the gym and marvel at the Pistons' rebounding stats." Most analysts also commented that, if the NBA finals began today, they would "probably watch" every game.

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