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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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NBA Announcer Would Hate To See It Come Down To That

BOSTON—Citing that thus far it had been a cleanly played game in which both teams were playing excellent basketball on both ends of the court, NBA announcer Jon Barry said he could plausibly imagine a situation in which the outcome of the contest would be determined by a petty action antithetical to the spirit of basketball, a dispiriting event he would hate to witness. "Not only would I hate to see it come down to that, but most important, basketball fans in this arena as well as those watching around the world deserve better," said Barry, adding that if and when this type of thing happens, one has to question whether or not certain rules should be looked at more closely or possibly even changed. "It would just be a real shame." Commentators Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson agreed with Barry, stating that as a former coach and player respectively, they also hated when it came down to that, but grudgingly acknowledged it was just part of the game.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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