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Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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NBA Announces Plans To Play Game In London In Swimming Pool

NEW YORK—As part of a continuing effort to expand the NBA into international markets, Commissioner David Stern announced Wednesday that the New Jersey Nets and Toronto Raptors would play the league’s first regular season game in London in a swimming pool. "There is no question that it's best for the NBA brand and its players to show their talent in Europe by playing meaningful games in Olympic-sized swimming pools," Stern said of the contests scheduled for Mar. 4 and 5, 2011, adding that they would be played in the pool's deep end, which measures 15 feet from the floor to the water's surface. "Basketball is a global game, and it's important for people to see that the NBA is focused on teamwork, talent, and splashing around, whether they're thrilling to the sight of power forward Andrea Bargnani breaststroking hard to the hoop, or marveling as rookie Derrick Favors learns how to flip-turn for the very first time." Stern added that he would more than likely leave his shirt and tie on when he enters the pool to welcome those in attendance.

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