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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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NBA Announces Plans To Play Game In London In Swimming Pool

NEW YORK—As part of a continuing effort to expand the NBA into international markets, Commissioner David Stern announced Wednesday that the New Jersey Nets and Toronto Raptors would play the league’s first regular season game in London in a swimming pool. "There is no question that it's best for the NBA brand and its players to show their talent in Europe by playing meaningful games in Olympic-sized swimming pools," Stern said of the contests scheduled for Mar. 4 and 5, 2011, adding that they would be played in the pool's deep end, which measures 15 feet from the floor to the water's surface. "Basketball is a global game, and it's important for people to see that the NBA is focused on teamwork, talent, and splashing around, whether they're thrilling to the sight of power forward Andrea Bargnani breaststroking hard to the hoop, or marveling as rookie Derrick Favors learns how to flip-turn for the very first time." Stern added that he would more than likely leave his shirt and tie on when he enters the pool to welcome those in attendance.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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