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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NBA Committee To Investigate Allegations Of Traveling During All-Star Game

NEW YORK—NBA commissioner David Stern held a press conference Tuesday to announce that the league had formed a 15-person committee to probe into allegations of players illegally taking steps without dribbling during the annual All-Star Game. "These are very serious accusations of a major rules violation and fans can rest assured knowing the committee will scrutinize game video over the next five weeks to maintain the integrity of the both NBA and the entire All-Star Weekend," Stern said, adding that the 30-person panel was composed of owners, coaches, and former players. "I've conducted private interviews with the game's referees, and I am confident that none of them were aware of any wrongdoing." Stern added that if any players were found guilty of breaking the rule, they would be punished to the full extent of the law.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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