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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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NBA Committee To Investigate Allegations Of Traveling During All-Star Game

NEW YORK—NBA commissioner David Stern held a press conference Tuesday to announce that the league had formed a 15-person committee to probe into allegations of players illegally taking steps without dribbling during the annual All-Star Game. "These are very serious accusations of a major rules violation and fans can rest assured knowing the committee will scrutinize game video over the next five weeks to maintain the integrity of the both NBA and the entire All-Star Weekend," Stern said, adding that the 30-person panel was composed of owners, coaches, and former players. "I've conducted private interviews with the game's referees, and I am confident that none of them were aware of any wrongdoing." Stern added that if any players were found guilty of breaking the rule, they would be punished to the full extent of the law.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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