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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NBA Fan Still Hasn’t Gotten Used To Seeing Zaza Pachulia In A Warriors Uniform

NEW YORK—Saying that he is thrown for a loop every time he sees the player this season, local 29-year-old NBA fan Jon Westmoreland admitted to reporters Tuesday that he still hasn’t become accustomed to the sight of veteran center Zaza Pachulia in a Golden State Warriors uniform. “It just doesn’t look right, seeing Zaza in that blue-and-gold jersey with the Warriors logo on his chest,” said Westmoreland, adding that after years of watching the Georgian big man play for the Magic, Bucks, Hawks, and Mavericks, it’s strange to see Pachulia wearing anything other than an electric-blue, green, red-and-black, or royal-blue uniform. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. I wish he had just stayed in Orlando, Atlanta, Milwaukee, or Dallas.” Westmoreland added that he believes Pachulia “sold out” when the center decided to join forces with Warriors stars Kevon Looney, Ian Clark, and Patrick McCaw.

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