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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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NBA Honors Chris Paul For Heroically Saving Ball From Going Out Of Bounds

NEW YORK—The NBA honored Hornets point guard Chris Paul Wednesday for heroically stepping in front of a stray pass and saving the basketball from going out of bounds. "Chris deserves to be commended for his selfless act, as many players would have just stood and watched while the out-of-control ball flew helplessly into the stands," league commissioner David Stern said while presenting Paul with the NBA Medal of Valor, basketball's second-highest civilian honor, for his bravery during the Apr. 8 game against the Phoenix Suns."I don't even want to think about what would have happened if Chris wasn't there. But thankfully he was, and he prevented the tragic loss of a key possession late in the game." Paul said that he has not seen or talked with the ball since saving it from going out of bounds.

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