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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NBA Honors Chris Paul For Heroically Saving Ball From Going Out Of Bounds

NEW YORK—The NBA honored Hornets point guard Chris Paul Wednesday for heroically stepping in front of a stray pass and saving the basketball from going out of bounds. "Chris deserves to be commended for his selfless act, as many players would have just stood and watched while the out-of-control ball flew helplessly into the stands," league commissioner David Stern said while presenting Paul with the NBA Medal of Valor, basketball's second-highest civilian honor, for his bravery during the Apr. 8 game against the Phoenix Suns."I don't even want to think about what would have happened if Chris wasn't there. But thankfully he was, and he prevented the tragic loss of a key possession late in the game." Paul said that he has not seen or talked with the ball since saving it from going out of bounds.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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