adBlockCheck

NBA Receives Shipment Of Fresh Ankles

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

NBA Receives Shipment Of Fresh Ankles

NEW YORK—Only a few weeks away from running out of its last batch, the NBA finally received on Monday the 40-pound crate of ankles it had been waiting for. "Players' ankles start to get sore right around this time every year," said Commissioner David Stern, who unwrapped a brand-new ankle and tested it out by bending it back and forth. "Ah, looks like this one is going to Kobe Bryant. He's been calling me every day asking if his new ankle has come in." Houston Rockets center Yao Ming was reportedly among the first to request some new ankles, but once again was turned away after the league explained that they don't make them in his size and color.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close