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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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NBA To Experiment With 3-Minute Games

NEW YORK—NBA commissioner David Stern held a press conference Monday to announce that the National Basketball Association was phasing out full-length games and would begin experimenting with three-minute contests starting in February.

"Nobody, including the players, cares about those first 45 minutes anyway," said Stern, adding that video analysis of prior NBA games consistently showed that players don't play defense, run, or show any amount of passion until the game's final two minutes. "This gives participants one whole minute to get the feel of the game, which some think is still a waste of time. Hopefully this will all work out so we can get the entire season over with by March." In related news, National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman released a statement Tuesday saying that the NHL is considering switching to a nine-inning, all-baseball format by June.

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