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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NBA To Honor Red Auerbach By Playing Defense

BOSTON—Commissioner David Stern announced at a press conference Monday that, in order to honor recently deceased basketball legend Red Auerbach, all NBA teams would play good, fundamental defense during the first weekend of play this November. "Though this will be a sacrifice for many players, I think this is something Red would have wanted," Stern said. "He always liked when players guarded the passing lanes, kept their hands up, and remained in front of their opponents even if it meant expending a little more energy in the process. Basically, he liked activity on the basketball court." Though the majority of NBA players seem to agree the tribute is fitting, many have said that because they haven't played defense in such a long time, they really hope they remember how.

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