adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

NBA To Introduce Last-Second Shot Clock

NEW YORK—In a move intended to create some semblance of excitement and add dramatic finishes to every game, NBA commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the league would implement a last-second shot clock during the 2009–2010 season to ensure all games end on a nail-biting buzzer-beater. "Our research indicates that last-second shots are popular, fun to watch, and increase the perception of close competition in basketball," Stern said. "Therefore, a clock with a single second remaining will be placed in every arena, where it will increase tension throughout the contest. It will only begin to count down when the last player with the ball takes his final shot at the end of regulation. If he makes the shot, his team will win." The league is also considering adding a 24-second traveling clock for the 2010 season.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close