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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs

NEW YORK—Putting a noticeable damper on the final week of the regular season, sources confirmed Wednesday that NBA viewers have been officially ruled out until the playoffs. “Simply put, there’s no chance that NBA viewers will see any game time over the next week or so,” said ESPN reporter Chris Broussard, explaining that having virtually nothing at stake in the remaining games ultimately played a very significant part in the decision. “I’m not saying it’s impossible, but to even say they’ll be back by the first round of the playoffs is very, very optimistic. I doubt they’ll return before the finals, and even then, it’ll most likely just be for the deciding games.” Broussard added that the development comes as no surprise to those familiar with the situation, as most viewers had already missed the majority of the regular season.

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