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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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NBA Viewers Ruled Out Until Playoffs

NEW YORK—Putting a noticeable damper on the final week of the regular season, sources confirmed Wednesday that NBA viewers have been officially ruled out until the playoffs. “Simply put, there’s no chance that NBA viewers will see any game time over the next week or so,” said ESPN reporter Chris Broussard, explaining that having virtually nothing at stake in the remaining games ultimately played a very significant part in the decision. “I’m not saying it’s impossible, but to even say they’ll be back by the first round of the playoffs is very, very optimistic. I doubt they’ll return before the finals, and even then, it’ll most likely just be for the deciding games.” Broussard added that the development comes as no surprise to those familiar with the situation, as most viewers had already missed the majority of the regular season.

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