NBC Admits To Never Actually Making An Episode of 'Chuck'

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Vol 46 Issue 15

Albert Pujols Sliding Into Everything After Learning To Slide

ST. LOUIS—Sources in the Cardinals organization confirmed Tuesday that, after completing private sliding lessons, Albert Pujols has been sliding feetfirst into equipment, open doorways, dirty laundry, teammates, dugouts, and anything else the three-time NL MVP can possibly slide into.

Opening Staff Rails Against Incompetence Of Closing Staff

ATHENS, GA—Citing a recent rash of barely mopped floors, sloppy register work, and general negligence, the opening staff of local restaurant Dom's issued a harsh proclamation this week, saying it would no longer endure the half-assed performance of the closing staff.
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NBC Admits To Never Actually Making An Episode of 'Chuck'

LOS ANGELES—The NBC action-comedy Chuck, familiar to millions of viewers from its long-running promo bumpers, does not actually exist, network executives admitted Friday. "We had a very successful, very expensive promotional campaign, but to be honest, we never actually bothered making a pilot," NBC spokesperson Grant Twombly said. "I guess everybody just assumes everybody else is watching it, because advertisers have jumped on board, and DVD sales are somehow doing great." A ratings analyst reached for comment confirmed that "people can't get enough of that Chuck."

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