adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

NBC Confirms 'The Event' To Represent America In New Olympic Event

NEW YORK—NBC Sports confirmed Friday that the one-hour science-fiction drama The Event will represent the United States in an event recently added to the 2012 Summer Olympics. "This new event calls for perfection, precision, grace, and an innate flare for the dramatic, so we here at NBC can't think of a better competitor than The Event, led by team captain Blair Underwood as President Elias Martinez; Jason Ritter as video-game programmer Sean Walker; and Zeljko Ivanek as Blake, the director of national intelligence who has long kept secrets from the president," NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol said during a press conference in which he repeatedly stressed that, with the strengths of both Lost and 24 and none of the weaknesses of V or FlashForward, The Event will shatter every record in the event and have no trouble taking home the gold. "The entire country should do its part and support The Event in 2012. But why wait? Remember The Event airs every Monday at 9 p.m. Eastern, 8 Central. And catch previous episodes of The Event on NBC.com/The-Event." Added Ebersol before leaving the podium, "The Event."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close