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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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NBC Confirms 'The Event' To Represent America In New Olympic Event

NEW YORK—NBC Sports confirmed Friday that the one-hour science-fiction drama The Event will represent the United States in an event recently added to the 2012 Summer Olympics. "This new event calls for perfection, precision, grace, and an innate flare for the dramatic, so we here at NBC can't think of a better competitor than The Event, led by team captain Blair Underwood as President Elias Martinez; Jason Ritter as video-game programmer Sean Walker; and Zeljko Ivanek as Blake, the director of national intelligence who has long kept secrets from the president," NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol said during a press conference in which he repeatedly stressed that, with the strengths of both Lost and 24 and none of the weaknesses of V or FlashForward, The Event will shatter every record in the event and have no trouble taking home the gold. "The entire country should do its part and support The Event in 2012. But why wait? Remember The Event airs every Monday at 9 p.m. Eastern, 8 Central. And catch previous episodes of The Event on NBC.com/The-Event." Added Ebersol before leaving the podium, "The Event."

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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