NBC Honors 9/11 Anniversary By Releasing New Matthew Perry Sitcom

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Vol 48 Issue 37

Romney Just Saying He Grew Up Poor In Memphis Now

RENO, NV—Abandoning his campaign’s previous strategies for winning over undecided voters in advance of November’s presidential election, sources are reporting that Republican nominee Mitt Romney is now just telling people he grew up des...

Mark Carson

Mark Carson has made it his duty to immediately inform friends and family of any celebrity deaths, no matter what the deceased’s level of fame.

Area Man Can't Imagine Life Without This Woman

Paul Ryan is knocked over by a pack of rambunctious Romney boys, a personal trainer makes a man put on a humiliating little show for the entire gym, and Google's 9/11 homepage design stirs controversy.

No One Murdered Because Of This Image

WASHINGTON—Following the publication of the image above, in which the most cherished figures from multiple religious faiths were depicted engaging in a lascivious sex act of considerable depravity, no one was murdered, beaten, or had their lives thr...
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

NBC Honors 9/11 Anniversary By Releasing New Matthew Perry Sitcom

NEW YORK—Saying they wanted to do something special to commemorate the 11th anniversary of the tragedy, NBC officials confirmed the network would pay tribute to the victims of 9/11 and their families by premiering a new Matthew Perry sitcom Tuesday. “On this solemn occasion, when words can do little to heal still-fresh wounds, we here at NBC offer the only words that might actually help: Matthew Perry is back,” NBCUniversal CEO Steve Burke said of the network’s new sitcom Go On. “With his hilariously off-kilter timing and character work, Perry will provide succor to those still grieving from that fateful day. Because if Matthew Perry can’t, who possibly can?” At press time, the show was reported to be the most moving tribute of its kind since Universal Studios released The Scorpion King on April 19, 2002, to commemorate those lost in the Oklahoma City Bombing.

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