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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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NBC Honors 9/11 Anniversary By Releasing New Matthew Perry Sitcom

NEW YORK—Saying they wanted to do something special to commemorate the 11th anniversary of the tragedy, NBC officials confirmed the network would pay tribute to the victims of 9/11 and their families by premiering a new Matthew Perry sitcom Tuesday. “On this solemn occasion, when words can do little to heal still-fresh wounds, we here at NBC offer the only words that might actually help: Matthew Perry is back,” NBCUniversal CEO Steve Burke said of the network’s new sitcom Go On. “With his hilariously off-kilter timing and character work, Perry will provide succor to those still grieving from that fateful day. Because if Matthew Perry can’t, who possibly can?” At press time, the show was reported to be the most moving tribute of its kind since Universal Studios released The Scorpion King on April 19, 2002, to commemorate those lost in the Oklahoma City Bombing.

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