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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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NBC Unveils New 'Please-See TV' Thursday-Night Lineup

NEW YORK—With one week to go before the start of its first post-Seinfeld fall season, NBC unveiled its new "Please-See TV" Thursday-night lineup Monday.

NBC logo

"This fall," network president Warren Littlefield said, "NBC is the place to be for the shows you'll want to watch if you have any sense of compassion."

Created by the same ad agency that conceived CBS's "We're Dyin' Here" campaign, NBC's "Please See" promotion touts a revamped Thursday-night lineup that includes Veronica's Closet, Frasier and the new sitcom Jesse, which Littlefield described as "something I pray you'll be willing to watch for the sake of all the NBC executives with families to support."

"With Jerry gone, we certainly can't tell viewers that they must see these NBC shows," Littlefield said. "But we are confident we can ask very nicely."

The NBC campaign is part of an emerging trend toward network groveling. ABC's new on-air spots feature footage of laid-off employees weeping as they clean out their desks, and Fox is prepping a year-long "Watch Millennium If You Have A Shred Of Human Decency" campaign.

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