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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NCAA Abandons BCS, Implements New Argument-Based System For Determining College Football Rankings

INDIANAPOLIS—The NCAA Board of Governors announced Monday that it would be abandoning the complicated BCS formula, with its interdependent network of media and coaches polls and computer rankings, in favor of a more streamlined and manageable system consisting of millions of arguments among fans. "We feel that by monitoring opinions expressed during football-related arguments held in the nation's bars, restaurants, lunchrooms, Internet message boards, and dinner tables, we can amass all the data we need to rank the nation's college football teams throughout the season," NCAA president Myles Brand said in a press release detailing the argument-monitoring system already in place at most Division I colleges. "The best thing about this system is that arguments about the accuracy of the previous week's arguments are automatically factored in to each week's rankings. We feel we've finally found the solution fans have been demanding for years." Detractors of the new system claim it will reward larger schools with more vocal, more strident, and simply louder fans, as a recent test of the system had Texas, Michigan, Ohio State, Tennessee, Florida State, USC, Boston College, and Alabama all tied for first place.

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