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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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NCAA Football Recruitment Reduced To Series Of Winks, Eyebrow Raises

INDIANAPOLIS—The NCAA unveiled a new set of college football recruitment rules Monday, restricting teams from communicating with high school athletes using anything other than a wink or a raised eyebrow. “The only way to level the playing field for programs and temper the influencing of young athletes is to limit coaches to six of these facial movements toward a player in any given week,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert, who earlier vetoed a proposal from schools that wanted to use the more suggestive half-smile, head nod, and rubbing of thumb, index, and middle fingers together to denote “cash.” “Coaches are advised that their facial movements must be made at least 20 feet away from the athlete and for a duration of no more than five seconds. The gestures may not be repeated if they go unnoticed.” According to sources within college programs, however, a distinct wink has already been developed to communicate the phrase “that brand-new red Escalade parked in front of your parents’ house is yours.”

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