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NCAA Football Recruitment Reduced To Series Of Winks, Eyebrow Raises

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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NCAA Football Recruitment Reduced To Series Of Winks, Eyebrow Raises

INDIANAPOLIS—The NCAA unveiled a new set of college football recruitment rules Monday, restricting teams from communicating with high school athletes using anything other than a wink or a raised eyebrow. “The only way to level the playing field for programs and temper the influencing of young athletes is to limit coaches to six of these facial movements toward a player in any given week,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert, who earlier vetoed a proposal from schools that wanted to use the more suggestive half-smile, head nod, and rubbing of thumb, index, and middle fingers together to denote “cash.” “Coaches are advised that their facial movements must be made at least 20 feet away from the athlete and for a duration of no more than five seconds. The gestures may not be repeated if they go unnoticed.” According to sources within college programs, however, a distinct wink has already been developed to communicate the phrase “that brand-new red Escalade parked in front of your parents’ house is yours.”

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