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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NCAA Hopes Guilty Verdict In Punter Stabbing Case Will Suppress Rash Of Copycat Punter Stabbings

GREELY, CO—College football officials are hopeful that the guilty verdict handed down in the case of Mitch Cozad, the North Colorado punter who stabbed punting rival Rafael Mendoza in an attempt to usurp his starting position, will discourage any further punter-on-punter violence. "We're saddened that the court didn't see fit to charge him with attempted punter murder, but we believe that a conviction for second-degree assault of a punter is still a deterrent to those who would do punters harm," said NCAA legal adviser Karl Simonson. "Protecting punters off the field is nearly as important as protecting them on it." Assaulting a punter has been a crime in since 1974 and a felony in every state but Texas since 1997.

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