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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NCAA Investigators Bust Into John Calipari's Office To Find He's Already Skipped Town

LEXINGTON, KY—As part of an investigation into possible rules violations, NCAA officials visited Kentucky's basketball facility following its championship win this week, but found no trace of notorious head coach John Calipari, whose messy office appeared to have been hastily and recently abandoned. "Slipped through our fingers again," said lead investigator Michael Huber, who found clipboards scattered on the floor and open file cabinet drawers that appeared to have been hurriedly emptied. "By now, this guy's probably a thousand miles away, running his scheme on yet another team. We can vacate what he did here, but we'll probably never catch him in the act." The only person inside the building, a janitor cleaning the halls, told investigators he had never heard of Calipari and seemed to believe the facility was used by the University of Kentucky's art history department.

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