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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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NCAA Selection Committee Announces Sweet 16: 'It's The Teams That Won Last Weekend'

INDIANAPOLIS—The 10 members of the NCAA Selection Committee reconvened in Indianapolis late Sunday to select this year's Sweet 16 participants, announcing they had chosen the teams that, at the end of last weekend, had won their first- and second-round games. "There were many deserving programs out there, but we decided to go with the teams that won," said committee chairman Gene Smith, noting that because they had been victorious, Duke, UConn, Wisconsin, and the other thirteen selectees would continue playing in the NCAA Tournament, whereas the teams that lost would not. "We know there's going to be some controversy about including Richmond and Butler, but you can't deny that they won. And while we did consider some NIT participants and some other bubble teams, in the end we had to acknowledge that none of them had won any NCAA Tournament games this year." Smith added that committee members would meet again after Friday's games to pick who will play in the Elite Eight, saying they would probably weight their decisions in favor of teams that win in the Sweet 16.

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