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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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NCAA Tournament Expands To However Many Teams Honestly Feel They Should Be In NCAA Tournament

INDIANAPOLIS—The NCAA Board of Directors made the decision Wednesday to expand its men's basketball tournament to however many teams "really and truly believe" they ought to be involved. "Who are we to bar a school from the Big Dance if they just know in their heart of hearts that they deserve a shot?" said NCAA interim president Jim Isch, adding that the maximum number of teams permitted would only be limited by the number of schools that believe in themselves. "Of course, for any team out there that wants to be in the tournament but doesn't quite think it deserves it, I say go ahead and put your name on the list anyway. Seriously, what's one more team?" Immediately following the announcement, all 342 Division I schools signed up for the 2011 tournament except Loyola Marymount.

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