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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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NCAA Tournament Results Leaked To Internet

DETROIT—With three rounds and the championship game remaining in the 2009 NCAA men's basketball tournament, documents believing to be the script for the season finale have been leaked to several websites, including The Smoking Gun, Ain't It Cool News, and Deadspin. "The NCAA has no comment on the authenticity or version-status of anything you may have seen," a press release issued by the tournament committee and signed by the tournament's writers and producers read in part. "We ask fans across the country to ignore anything they hear concerning basketball's final episodes and invite them to tune in no matter what they may have heard. What they see will still surprise them." Reactions to the script were diverse but emphatic, with sizable numbers of fans strongly protesting the shocking death of UNC, the logic-defying return of Wisconsin, and the revelation that Xavier has been an angel team since the first round.

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