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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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‘NCIS’ To Cease Print Edition

NEW YORK—Longtime readers are already mourning the end of an era as CBS announced today that at the end of this month it would cease print operations of the popular drama NCIS after several years of diminishing ad revenue and subscription rates. “While we have always endeavored to publish the finest and most hard-hitting NCIS print content possible, our business model unfortunately can no longer support physical, hard-copy editions of the Naval Criminal Investigation Service’s adventures,” said NCIS publisher Shane Brennan, a long-time employee who delivered hard copies of the naval police procedural by truck during its infancy. “While I still think that the print edition is the best way to experience NCIS—turning each page, feeling the newsprint on your fingers—it's time for us to move on and accept that the industry is changing. Still, I know I’ll always enjoy taking one of the hardbound print anthologies of past seasons off the shelf and leafing through classic exploits from yesteryear of Gibbs, McGee, and the rest of the team.” The NCIS editorial board later confirmed that they would continue to release new content on the drama’s weekly television edition.

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